---

By Jenny Albertini, CPO®

It’s the beginning of February, and couples across the United States are gearing up for Hallmark’s biggest holiday of the year: Valentine’s Day. Dinner reservations are being made, candy hearts eyed in drugstore aisles, and visions of ceremonial intimacy flicker in the backs of lovers’ minds. But…one thing standing in the way of achieving a social media–worthy February 14th? The stack of clean laundry on the stairs waiting to be put away.

A sad reality of adulthood is that we spend our time in environments that unconsciously remind us of tasks that need to be addressed. When we live with a romantic partner, it may be ideal if those tasks are shared equitably, but that is not always the case. So our homes not only remind us of labor that must be completed but ALSO can breed tension with—and resentment against—anyone not helping get those things done.

Sounds really sexy, huh?

Clutter and unequal distribution of its management sometimes reach crescendo levels during peak periods of distress (a sudden illness, a change in school or employment status, etc.), but more often they exist due to a difference in behaviors and beliefs around:

• what and how much we buy
• how long we should keep those items
• where they live and how they are cared for in the home
• when and how  dispose of them

Many of these behaviors are learned from our families of origin, particularly from the parent-child dynamic. But as adults in partnership with other adults, we want a different relationship to one another—especially if love, sex, and intimacy are shared values and activities we hope to experience together.

If we don’t address these underlying behaviors and beliefs around clutter with our partners (and get aligned on what to do about them), it is unlikely that real, sustainable change to our environments at home will stick.

So, this Valentine’s Day, instead of a dozen roses for your partner, try these strategies to organize a more loving, sexy, and tidy future together:

1. Often, a root cause of clutter buildup and difficulty starting and completing tasks to put things away is tied to brain-based conditions (ADHD, depression, anxiety, etc.).  Notice if your partner (and/or you) is receiving the support they for any health conditions like these. Do they need a ride to their doctor’s office, a better system for taking their prescribed medication regularly, or a swap of childcare duties so they can attend a virtual therapy appointment? See what you can offer to make sure these concerns are addressed, just like any other medical situation that deserves to be prioritized with compassion.
   
   
2. Dinner out on Valentine’s Day could be just another night together, OR you could use that quiet time to go deeper on some topics that might have been initially glossed over when you first swiped right. 
   
   Pretend you are on an early date again and leave judgment behind, so each person feels comfortable being vulnerable as you ask each other these questions. 
   
   • What don’t you know already about how they were taught about attachment to objects, decluttering, and maintaining order? 
   • Who showed them this behavior and how did it make them feel? 
   • And together, define for yourselves—in your home—how you want to feel there. Which of these behaviors will help you meet that vision, and which ones need to be released to help you move forward?
     
     
3. It’s hard to be in the mood for romance and intimacy when your environment constantly reminds you of tasks to complete and spaces to organize, and research shows that visual clutter raises cortisol levels (our stress hormones), especially in women. 
   
   PLAN AHEAD: Instead of a one-day intensive cleaning spree on February 13, commit to shorter, more regular time periods to tackle decluttering, organizing, and maintenance projects in your home to keep stress at bay. Even 30 minutes a day, on three workdays each week, focusing on high-impact decluttering and maintenance tasks, can get you to a more peaceful home by the time Friday evening rolls around. This intentional practice sets a better mood for the weekend ahead—one less focused on cleaning and with more space for cuddling and connection. 

Don’t let clutter become an emotional barrier between what you have and what you want out of life and your relationship. By choosing to address the underlying reasons and behaviors affecting clutter at home with your partner, you are giving one another the best Valentine’s Day gifts of all:

• lowered stress levels
• easy-to-navigate homes
• room for deeper connection

If you and/or your partner want a neutral, third-party expert to help create personalized systems that align with your shared vision, we’re here to help. Find a professional organizer near you: https://napo.empowereddirectory.com

---